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Journal 47: The Drain

I’ve not blogged for a while, just some recipes on schedule, and that’s because I’ve been drained day in, day out. For about 6 weeks wake, work, eat, sleep (or trying to sleep at times) has been my cycle. I’ve been drained mentally and physically.

Over the year thus far, I’ve gained near a lb a week. First few weeks it was just bigger overeating of healthy foods. Last few weeks my stress, lack of sleep and routine has meant poorer food choices. I currently sit back to 222 1/2 lbs, from 216lbs at the start of the year. A trend I don’t want to continue.

This week was the first week I’ve had consistent sleep of over at least 6 hours a night. Before that, some nights it was 2-6 hours depending on the day or what the day threw at me. And this alone has helped me just eat a little better. In part helped by the first week I’ve not had financial stress on my life. So far £884 has been drained from a range of angles from a sick dog, broken car, tyres, heating costing 3x than last year (with a landlord who doesn’t seem to get his butt in gear to get it serviced/repaired), and I’ve still got broken window in my house I rent out to find money to replace.

Suffering from chronic wisdom tooth pain and a broken tooth hasn’t helped – especially with no access to a NHS dentist.

With all the best intentions I wanted to eat well, but all I’ve craved for 4 weeks is salt and white carbs. I’ve tried as many techniques as possible to not give in, and in a way it’s worked as some weeks I could have easily gained 4lbs with what I craved. So, in a way, I’m ‘sort of’ pleased it’s only a lb a week. If I had a consistent fitness routine, I may have just stayed the same week in-out for the last few weeks. Working out was the last thing on my mind, getting through each day without crying was pretty much my main focus.

I’ve never been one to find fitness as my mental health outlet or builder. I just go through the motions if/when I do a workout. What I have done is read, write and walk the dog in the fresh air (sometimes very blowy fresh air in the UK currently!). I’ve read three books this year so far, and written daily to reflect and try to rid my brain of stuff. Pampering myself from getting a hair cut (something I’ve not afforded myself since October last year) and doing my nails every few days has helped me feel better about myself as well.

I don’t want my weight to keep increasing, so one of the best and free ways to combat this is to focus my reading and writing to my health and nutrition goals and journey, very much like last year. So making sure I journal to reflect, meal prep photos, take pics of my meals to help be accountable and just kick start my physical and nutritional health which will help my mental health with better fuel.

Working 8-4 has been ideal for me in the last 7 weeks, without shoving in a workout in the morning and trying to battle traffic on the evening. I also gain a little time back in the evenings to just relax more and not go through the motions of chores, eat, sleep and repeat.

This means I’m making the choice to not go to the gym in the mornings anymore. I’ve not missed going to the gym either at the moment – as I feel I’m just going through the motions and not driving change mentally or physically. I’ll be going to weight lifting class on Wednesday’s after work, but I’m going to try a few different morning pre/post dog walks to fit in home gym (I’ve a full weights set) or a jog/yoga. Today I did 100 step ups on my box (20″) after my dog walk because why not. So looking for building up a routine this way instead.

Trying to keep to a routine is key, like a blogged before, but sticking to it is the hard bit. Routines seem to have only last for 4-5 days and that’s it. So my goal this week:

  1. Routine for 7 days

  2. Eat what I buy and prep for 7 days

  3. Sleep well for the majority of the week

  4. Try not to cry every day thinking about life’s adult hurdles

  5. Create my own luck and journey

For the things that have been affecting me I’ve built a 10, 5, 3 and 1-year plan to work through them. I’ve a plan for my house in the North East (which currently has a missing window due to the tenants one can assume). I’ve a plan for my nutrition and coaching goals. I’ve a plan for my physical, nutritional and mental fitness. I’ve a plan for my financial fitness. I’ve a plan for my career. Each with immediate, next steps and future steps. I’m taking one or two at a time, to not feel overwhelmed by trying to do everything. I’ve already hit 1 of 4 of my steps for this 6 months, choosing to make my own luck and try and try to optimistic about the current situation and see the opportunity in everything that’s happened.

It’s not all been doom… had my certification for my British Weight Lifting course come through, which I’ll want to build on next year once I’ve built up my own experience in the sport first.

And I’ve passed module 5 and 6 of my vegan nutrition diploma – with 7 nearly complete.